is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
