I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
