There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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