There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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