as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
