This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
