for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
