i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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