just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
