my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
