I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
