Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
