I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
