You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
