i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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