I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
