I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Couch. On fire.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
