I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
