she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
