Pappa wants mamma naked
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
