i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
