I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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