So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
