So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
