One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
