plz talk dirty to me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
