bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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