Umm I'm too high to move.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
