grandma shit on top of the toilet
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize