talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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