Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You took a bar mat shot.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
