im having a threesome with these popsicles
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
