Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
