why didn't you poke me back
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
