Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
