ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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