My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
