Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize