I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
