is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
