I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
