just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
