You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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