Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
