At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
