Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
