wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
