Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
