So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
