maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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