Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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