My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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