I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
