Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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