K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Are we in a gay sports bar?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
