Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
