Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I got inside last night via doggy door
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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