Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
