About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize