New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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