I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Thank you for not boning my boss.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
