I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize