how can u be prego again
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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