you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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