So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
not ubering you a puppy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
