My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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