Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
