Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
