it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
