He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wear drunk well.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
