We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
not ubering you a puppy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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