I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
