My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
