I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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