How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
