Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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