I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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