Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
