bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
