In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize