I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
