so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
