i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
