shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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