My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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