If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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