Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
